Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
