I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
