so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
