trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
