New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
