Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
