How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
