I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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