I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize