this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
