He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
