I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
