and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
