i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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