i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
