is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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