Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize