What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
