I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
