Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
