I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
