I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
