I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize