Already got asked if we're dating
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
