420 ftw
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
should my penis look like a turkey
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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