I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's get the cat blown out
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
