why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
