If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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