maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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