Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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