so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How naked do you want me to be?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
