He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am one with the molecules
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
