I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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