I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
