My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jerry, you need to find god
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
