careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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