I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize