Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize