I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
