Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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