took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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