the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
