i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize