**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
