dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
