You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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