I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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