Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize