I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
