I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize