You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
