my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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