im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
