I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
