all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
