new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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