I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
