You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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