we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
