Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
