Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
