I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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