I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
