that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
