Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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