I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
