I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
