party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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