i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
