Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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