Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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