I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize