it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
