I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
