Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
