maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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