I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
