I am spending my child support on dildos
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
