Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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