What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You did what with his pubic hair?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
