So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize