you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
