Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
