You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We have started to decorate penises.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize