Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
