Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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