I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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