I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
birth control should be required to get into college
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
