Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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