I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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