tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
COCAINE IS GR8
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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