every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
