Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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