and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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