Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
