if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
