just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
