Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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