I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
