last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
