Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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