How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
