Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was born a porn star she said
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
