god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That's intense
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
