Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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(212): View more from New York

mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.

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(516): View more from New York

Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.

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(905): View more from Ontario

She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

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(360): View more from Washington

I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too

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(904): View more from Florida

Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?

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(912): View more from Georgia

I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.

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