He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Houston, we have a blender
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
