Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
