What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
