I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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