and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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