I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
