I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
