All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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